


I Didn't Mean it...

by Paper__Kid



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance?, dirkjake is pain, i wrote this and i cried
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-08 07:20:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11641689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paper__Kid/pseuds/Paper__Kid
Summary: Jake realizes his mistake as soon as it leaves his lips. Dirk deals with his feelings finally.





	I Didn't Mean it...

==>

 

He stood on the ledge, hands limp at his sides, hair shuffling in the warm breeze. This was it. This was the end of things.

 

He watched Dirk turn around, away from him, and knew that everything, all they had said, verbally or not, was gone. None of it mattered. He saw the tears on Dirk’s cheeks as he turned away, and wanted nothing more than to reach out and take his face in his hands and wipe away those tears. To take off his shades and kiss him until it as all alright again. Kiss him to make him forget what he’d just said. He didn’t mean it. He never meant it. He’ll never mean it. But when all was said and done, it wasn’t his choice. If Dirk didn’t want this anymore, Jake’s words were just fuel on the fire.

 

“Well maybe if you’d stop being so damn clingy, maybe I’d hang out with you more.” _I always want to be with you._ “Why can’t you just leave me alone for 5 bloody seconds?” _Please don’t leave me alone._ “You make me wonder if I even want this anymore…” _I’ll always want this- please don’t go_.

 

The tears began to fall from Jake’s eyes too, staining his cheeks.

 

“Well, I’m sorry for smothering you.”

 

“Dirk you-“

 

“I’m sorry for bothering you. I’m sorry for fucking up. I’m sorry for making such a fucking mess of your _social life_.” I could tell he was gritting his teeth. His jaw tightened.

 

“I’m sorry for- for being _me_ again.” A sob racked his body, I reached out. When my fingers brushed the skin of his shoulder he flinched and buckled forward, landing on his knees. I fell just behind him.

 

“Dirk _please_. I didn’t-“

 

“But you did mean it. Otherwise, you’d have never _said_ it.” Another sob shook him, his words were becoming more and more strangled. I wanted to reach out again but I already knew what his reaction would be, so I shuffled across the ground to face him.

 

“Dirk.”

He continued crying silently.

 

“ _Dirk._ ” I reached out and pulled off his shades, his eyes met mine. And the sight of them, tear filled, puffy, and red, was enough to make mine start up again.

 

I closed the glasses and set them on the ground a ways from us.

 

“Dirk, I love you.“ I leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his lips. “I-I wouldn’t give you up for the world.” I mumbled against his lips. I felt warm tears on my cheeks that weren’t mine.

 

“I- I can’t do this, Jake.” It was nothing more than a whisper, but it shook my whole world to the ground. It echoed in my head like an empty chasm, rang through my ears like a scream. My head spun like a top and clattered to the ground, right next to my shattered heart.

 

“…What?” I hoped I’d heard him wrong. I hoped I just mistook what he meant. Maybe he said he can’t fight anymore. Maybe he didn’t mean it.

 

“Jake- It’s over.” He pulled back and looked down, cheeks still damp but he’d stopped crying. I began to tear up. The silence was heavy, both of us expecting the other to say something.

 

I wanted him to take it back. To say he couldn’t live without me. To tell me he loved me too.

 

Silence.

 

_Say you love me too._

 

He stood up.

 

_Say it back._

 

He grabbed his shades.

 

_Please._

 

“I’m sorry.” He whispered.

 

_Dirk…_

 

He turned.

 

_No…_

 

And he was gone.

 

_I didn’t mean it._

**Author's Note:**

> mAN I WROTE THIS IN A COFFEE SHOP AND I C R IE D


End file.
